Ceremony of Demotion
NGH Jeff "con-man" Hayden
January 16, 6012ecv (2007pbc)
XNGH Mark Hall-Patton
(Dead Salmon # 3)
In the annals of the Ancient and Honourable Order of E Clampus Vitus, there is no con-vocation of greater value to the participant, than the granting of the coveted letter X. In our ceremony tonight, that of the con-descending of a Humbug of the Queho Posse Chapter #1919 of ECV, we will strive to con-trast, for the con-venience of the con-ventioneers here con-vened to bring to the fore the glories and accomplishments of our soon to be X Noble Grand Humbug, Jeff "conman" Hayden.
Though it must be noted that con-tinuing calls for "four more years" created a con-undrum for the con-tented con-gress of Greybeards, con-man's reply of "Up Yours!" con-stituted a con-vincing con-veyance of con-man's commitment to con-vention.
We now therefore con-stitute ourselves in con-vivial con-vocation, con-descending to con-vey the duly con-stituted letter to he who was our coordinator, con-solidator, con-troversial con-sul, and con-scientious con-nisour of con-fusion and con-jecture. We choose to con-solidate his reputation for con-fusion, con-futation, and con-genial con-flabs.
The con-man came to us through the efforts of that noted con-jurer and con-genital Clamper, "Big" Warren Kirk, who, with typical con-fidence, found in the con-man a con-natural clamper-to-be. While aware of his proclivities for con-cubines and con-cupiscence (and yes, you have to look a few of these up!), Warren found in the con-man a fellow whose con-dition would be con-tributory to the glories of the Queho Posse.
After his con-version experience (often referred to as the hall of Comparative Ovations - a con-vivial con-tribution to all men of E Clampus Vitus), con-man, as should be expected, con-tradicted Warren's ideas, by moving con-tritely and con-vulsively into roles of value to the Posse. Eschewing con-troversy, con-versant with the mysteries of the Posse, con-ventional in his Boulder City Hair Club for Men appearance (It must be noted here that Boulder City is open to diversity, as one can see from the hirsute qualities of con-man's predecessor "Nnad" DeBoer) and con-ventional in his pre-con-ceptions of the glory of Humbughood, the con-man moved upward into the chairs of the Posse.
His leadership, while lacking con-trivance, was none-the-less con-tradictory at best. He took us to the Techatticup Mine to celebrate the ancient con-vergence of skateboard and van window, for whom we have con-man and "Skateboard" Mike to thank for a tale which has careened through the chapters, and con-trasted this with a sailing of the Queho-st Gaurd and participation in a six-way con-clave of Clampers which gave new meaning to the con-vergence theory.
con-man's con-tributions were con-ceived in a con-fluence of con-formity and con-tradistinguished by a con-versational style of near con-founding con-fidence and con-cord. While not con-doning con-committent con-cessions, the con-man played his role in con-cluding the con-cordat for our chapter's involvement in the con-celebration of con-nate con-junctive Clamperdom, which was the six-way.
con-man has had an ongoing relationship with the con-cretive efforts of the Posse, and has been the con-cert-master for a year con-catinated with previous yearly con-ceptions. He has presided over con-versions of PBCs, con-veyed red-shirts in parades, and has not con-voluted otherwise con-ventional questions with con-tradictory con-versation, while con-tributing to con-templative con-texts.
Let us, therefore, con-struct the con-spicuous con-stituancy, having no con-cerns created by his notable lack of con-ceit, con-spiracy, con-sumption, and con-tinence. The con-man has con-noted con-solation, con- sistency, con- sideration, con-sistant con-trol, and con-venient con-sensus. We con-cieve of his year of Clampatronhood as one marked by con-sensual con-scription. The con-man shall con-tinue to con-temporize, having con-sumated his year with con-sternation and, it is hoped, little con-stipation.
Therefore, with no con-demnation, as the con-man fades into a con-gruous background, let me note with little con-solation, the con-sequences of this ceremony, and introduce his successors in con-fusion and con-descension. Queho Posse's officers for 6012-6013 are Noble Grand Humbug Gary "601" Buyachek; Vice Noble Grand Humbug, Robin "Kodak" Means; Gold Dust Receiver Dennis "How do I get there from here>" Robinson; Grand Noble Recorder "Mystic" Dick Turgeon; and introducing, as grand Imperturbable Hangman Mike "9 and ¾'s" Cole. Assisting the Hangman this year will be Keepers of the PBCs Bobby Gibbs, Vince "Fire 21" Zaremski, and "Skateboard" Mike Beaman.
Let us raise our glasses again, and drink to the officers of the Queho Posse. May God have mercy on our souls!
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